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" There was the monumental indifference displayed by the cute young female assistants to my naked form, which apparently held as much allure as a wicker table.

" which I eventually figured out was a reference to my problematic stomach.

I'd say moderate to high--about the same as when I inadvertently drooled on my desk in sixth grade.

.

Certainly more respect for the transformative power of good lighting and goot-sucking.

Nigel Parry A few days later, I was in a cab on the way to the studio with Esquire's design director, who kept assuring me that there would be nothing edible on my solar plexus and no Mapplethorpian whips in my orifices.

Nigel Parry In the dim, hangar-sized studio, they poured me chilled wine, put on a Norah Jones CD, handed me a white terry-cloth robe, and apologized for not having a fluffer.

" My wife later confessed that she thought a nude photo in a national magazine would finally force me to start doing ab crunches.

I was genuinely worried about this; I had brought along a photo of my late grandma, just in case.